Yes, you are suffering, even if you’re doing okay.
Have you seen the meme that proclaims: "We're all in the same storm, but we're not all in the same boat"?
The point of the meme is that those of us who entered this COVID-19 storm secure in our jobs, having white skin, living indoors, enjoying reliable health care, or riding on other distinct social advantages are weathering the storm on figurative yachts, while those who didn't are hanging onto flotsam for dear life.
It's a good meme for raising awareness of injustices (which are far worse in times of crisis), but it diminishes the very real pain we are all feeling.
Haitian refugees clinging to life…and to their immigration hope.
We are all feeling helpless.
We are all feeling trapped.
We are all afraid of getting sick.
We are all dealing with a massive disruption to our schedules, our plans, our hopes and dreams.
If you are a parent with younger children, you are realizing that you cannot work fulltime, parent fulltime, and homeschool fulltime, all at once. Add grief, fear, helplessness and you may see the surrealist drama we are in. Forget “lowering standards": you're having to admit that it cannot be done. No wonder you're tired.
If you're a teen, you are living through a time of "you can't" that you haven't experienced since you were a toddler, and it's happening at exactly the time you're supposed to be bonding with your peers and taking risks. You're also missing out on hanging with friends, dating, wearing a cap and gown. No wonder you're angry.
If you live alone, you are longing for touch, for random encounters that remind you of a larger world. If you live with others, you are longing for a room of your own, somewhere that other people have to ask to enter. If you live with others in a dangerous or abusive situation, you may be longing for all of it to end (while blaming yourself for the hurt you're feeling).
And even if you're not experiencing any of that, you have probably wished that over 200,000 people hadn't died painfully of this plague since January 1.
It’s April 25. 200,000 have died of COVID-19 in 110 days, that we know of.
Feel that angst? That grief? That when-is-this-ever-going-to-end?
That is what suffering feels like.
Suffering is a subjective experience, which means that from the inside: suffering is suffering is suffering.
From the inside, suffering is suffering is suffering.
You may have felt worse at other times, but that doesn't mean that everything is okay right now. Others may have far less, or be in physical pain, but what you are feeling is real.
Suffering is a feeling. And your suffering is real.
Even if you’re not dying. Even if you have a place to live. Even if by all sane measures of health and economics you are on top of the world.
Your. Suffering. Is. Real.
Once you stop kicking yourself for being a wimp when So Many People Have It So Much Worse you can actually begin to learn how to survive this. Thrive through this, even. And help others do the same.
Viktor Frankl was a psychologist imprisoned in Nazi concentration camps during World War II. If you feel the need to grade suffering, his was at least an 8. He re-discovered what the spiritually wise have always known: living for something greater than you are is essential.
Sometimes “greater than you are” is the glory of God.
Sometimes “greater than you are” is the smile you imagine your friend will have the first time you’re able to hug again.
I’ll be teaching Making Meaning in a Season of Suffering on Sundays at 6 pm starting tomorrow. Making Meaning looks at the experience of suffering, the habits of mind that make it worse, and the small, concrete actions you can take to make daily life better for yourself and others.
Feeling helpless? This course is something you can do that will help both yourself and the people around you.
Feeling lonely? This course will connect you with like-hearted others.
Making Meaning will be live on the School For Seekers Facebook page starting tomorrow, April 26, and for 3 Sundays after (May 3, 17, and 24) at 6 pm Pacific.
Come if you’re suffering during this COVID-19 season of death and doubt.
Come if you’re not, because someone needs you right now.
You matter.